Pre-transfer jitters

Last night was another night of bloating and complete discomfort. Throughout the past couple of days I have woken up weighing less than I did the night before but not this morning. In fact, my stomach was just as bloated and I weighed just as much as I did last night. John and I headed to the doctor and found that my ovaries were larger than my uterus and my abdomen was filled with fluid. The doc proceeded to explain they next-to-never see patients who trigger with lupron experience OHSS. Unfortunately, I was one of the lucky few who have and the only way to help alleviate the pain was insert a needle through my female part and drain the fluid.

To say painful was an understatement. I typically don't mind needles but this hurt so bad. Thankfully, I started feeling instant relief once the fluid started draining. The doctor ended up getting over a liter (close to 1200 cc) of fluid from my abdomen. My instructions were to lay low today, drink lots of gatorade and eat a protein-rich diet. Sadly, the fluid will probably return by tonight but it shouldn't be as  bad and should continue to get better throughout the week. Hopefully I will be able to go back to work on Wednesday!

On another note, the doctor checked my lining today. John and I agreed that at first he seemed very optimistic that it was at an optimal thickness, however it was only 4.5 I asked about the 5.6 measurement last week and he said that he thinks the doctor who did that ultrasound over-estimated. :( He did say my lining looked healthy though and that I have a ton of great embryos, so we will see what happens after the transfer tomorrow.

Today's devotional:

 

Again, another instance of God's perfect timing. God is with me, taking care of me. I should not fear the future because it is HIS to handle. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow.... Do not get distracted by future concerns. I sure did need to hear all of those words today! 

Couch-rest

This weekend John went with the men's group at church on a fishing retreat to the beach. Friday night I spent curled up in excruciating pain from my OHSS (ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome) but I really wanted John to go on the trip so I insisted he go. Saturday morning was better but throughout the day the fluid builds up again and the cycle continues. Besides being huge and bloated, my stomach feels like I am constantly pushing it out and sometimes even have sharp pains. There is no position that makes it feel better and sometimes Vicodin will help with the pain. Then today I started feeling super nauseated; thankfully, I had Zofran on hand which seems to help.

On Saturday a wonderful friend from work came over and spent the afternoon with me. We walked to the LoMo Market that stops in my neighborhood and got some delicious fresh fresh fruits, veggies, eggs, and meat. Although the distance was short, this was quite a journey for me and towards the end of the walk my stomach started becoming a little painful. However, Kira brought the most delicious chocolate cake, which always makes everything better! We had pizza, watched football and movies and had a great girls night!

This morning my plan was to go to church, however last night was another night of excruciating pain and little sleep.  I called the nurses line and after speaking with the doctor I am to come in first thing tomorrow morning. My hope is that they will drain the fluid... Not that I want a needle stuck in my abdomen but instant relief sounds good to me. As far as I know I have been told that this should not affect the transfer or pregnancy. Weeew!

Since I didn't make it to church my plan is to listen to the sermon  today when it is posted online. I believe today's message is supposed to be about life. How perfect right? And another good friend from work sent me the most perfect devotional this morning. God's timing is perfect. This is the verse focused on in the devotional :

"Now to him who is able to do far more than all that we ask

or think, according to the power artwork within us,

to him be glory in the church and in Jesus Christ 

throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen"

-Ephesians 3:20-21

God is so good. In fact, the embryologist called this morning and said that all 19 embryos are looking perfect! She was quite impressed with our numbers and the quality, however she did remind us that the numbers will decline some by Tuesday. In addition to the transfer, we should also still have some to freeze.  Because of my age and the current quality of our embryos she asked if we had thought about transferring one but because of my lining John and I have decided that we want to transfer two embryos. If we have twins then God will provide financially, emotionally and physically everything we need to raise our children. We will be grateful for any blessings.

We continue to pray every night for our Ward embryos and for God to continue to prepare my body for Tuesday. We are so grateful for the positives and are trying to stay hopeful and stress free. We are forever thankful for your prayers and messages and visits!

The good and the bad

The embryologist called this morning and shared that we had 23 mature eggs... Woo how! Any number greater than 50% is good! And of the 23 mature eggs, 19 fertilized! Another woo hoo! She was very impressed with those numbers and scheduled our transfer for Tuesday morning at 10:15. A 5 day transfer is the best and means you have strong embryos. Hopefully they continue to grow well and stay strong so we can stick with our 5 day transfer!

This was such great news! I emailed Dr. Meyer who was also extremely happy but then put me right back in my place. He said if this doesn't work then our new step is surrogate since he knows the issue is my endometrium. After many discussions John and I have had lately, I finally told Dr. Meyer that because  he has seen pregnancies with linings like mine that even if this cycle doesn't work we will not go to surrogacy, just yet. Instead we want to try IVF again.  However, I feel so much pressure now.

Along with emotional pressure the nurse told me today that I am having symptoms of ovarian hyper stimulation (OHSS). OHSS happens when the eggs are taken out of your ovaries, which are already swollen and they fill up with fluid, along with your abdomen. In some cases you have to go get the fluid drained. OHSS happens to people with a lot of follicles (me), thin (me), and PCOS (me). However, I was on the Lupron trigger which is supposed to avoid OHSS so who knows. Sounds like my luck.. I am so bloated that my stomach looks like I am 4 months pregnant and I have literally gained 2 pounds over night. Not to mention I can't stand up straight to walk and I can't lay on my side. I am drinking lots of Gatorade and eating lots of salty foods, like recommended, and hopefully it starts getting better soon. Thankfully it doesn't hinder pregnancy.

Please continue to pray for our growing embryos, that they are strong and healthy. We know the number will dwindle, as the process is an inverted pyramid but we want the healthiest ones so we can have the best chances and end up with some to freeze. We will get another update on Sunday! Also, pray for my OHSS and the pressure I am feeling. I know I just need to give it all to God to handle right now.

-xoxo

Update

I am home! 29 eggs retrieved and tomorrow we find out how many we're mature, how many fertilized and -I think- when/if we will have a transfer.

 Dr. Couchman was actually scheduled to do my retrieval but Dr. Meyer surprised me and came to do it! Overall a good morning, although at first when I got home I was in excruciating pain. After taking 2 Vicodin and a quick nap, it's not quite as bad. Of course it hurts to walk but thankfully my sweet husband is taking care of me.

 I am so anxious about tomorrow but trying to put all my faith and worry in God. I know he has everything worked out perfectly and I need to trust in his plan. Thanks for your continuous prayers. :)

Egg Retrieval

Sorry I did not update the past couple of days. Tuesday was absolutely horrible and everything that could have gone wrong... did. After an emotional breakdown (darn hormones) I picked myself up went to bed and started a yesterday started a new day.

Tuesday night I ended up triggering and in approximately 30 minutes we will head to CC to do my egg retrieval. The nurse who counted my eggs Tuesday said I have too many to count, so please pray for healthy eggs, good fertilization rate, and even better blastocysts. We will find out tomorrow how many fertilized and will be updated Sunday on whether we will (a) have a transfer or (b) if we are having a 3 day or 5 day transfer. Thanks for your prayers!

Happy Friday-eve! :)

As good of a chance as any...

With John working 12 hour shifts these days, it was nice to have him come with me to a monitoring appointment. Because the hospital is so close to CC he always offers to come over but the appointments are always so quick that I just tell him not to worry about it.

This morning Dr. Meyer made a special trip to the office to check on us. We were pleased to find out that my lining has continued to grow and is now a 5.6. This is still on the thin side but he said he has had a woman have triplets with a 5mm lining. And my lining is still looking nice and healthy.

My follicles are still coming along nicely. They aren't quite ready yet, which is a good thing for my lining, so tonight I am doing 2 vials of Menopur, TevTropin, and Antagon. Tomorrow morning I have another monitoring appointment. Dr. Meyer feels I will either be ready to trigger tomorrow or Wednesday which would make my retrieval either Thursday or Friday.

And then...wait for it..... we will get to transfer!!!!!!! In fact, Dr. Meyer actually said that he thinks we have just as good of a chance as anyone else to get pregnant! This is so completely different than anything we have heard in months! Sadly (for us), Dr. Meyer will be on vacation and won't be doing our transfer but he has assured us that we are in good hands no matter what! And even if we don't get pregnant this round, there isn't going to be talk - right away- about a surrogate... we would just try again!

God is amazing. He is a Healer! Thanks be to God!

Monitoring Appointment #2

Ohhh Friday how I have looked forward to you all week!

 John ended up getting food poisoning from a pot luck lunch at work so I have been in OCD cleaning mode. Thankfully he is feeling better but I am completely exhausted. With his new job he has started working 12 hour shifts which means I have to rush home on days that he works so that I can let Harlow out.... so I end up getting to work earlier than normal to make sure I get everything taken care of. Plus my little side business has kept me busy annnnnd on top of that I must get all my wife duties done too (cooking, laundry, packing lunches, dishes, etc).

But I am going to stop complaining because I have a wonderful family and the best job ANNNND we have had so many great things going on this week!

This morning I met with Dr. Meyer to check on my follicles and lining. I have over 20 follicles that are all growing nicely. Those doctors do a great job of making me feel good when they talk about how well my ovaries respond! It's nice to have some positive feedback when I have heard so much negative the past year and a half or so.

As far as my lining goes... it has grown from 3.7 to 4.9mm. Ideally Dr. Meyer said he would like to see it at 8 but he said it was still early and not to worry. He said that he is not as worried about the size of my lining as he is the pattern and shape. He shared that the shape and pattern of my lining look FABULOUS which is what matters most! And there is no evidence of scar tissue, the color looks great, it's triamular, and the shape is good. We are moving forward... Progress is good!!

Tonight I continue on the same medicines but add in the antagon shot to make sure I don't ovulate. My next appointment is Monday morning. This is a big day for us. Dr. Meyer will let us know if we get to transfer or not - he did e-mail me today and said that he thinks we will be able to but he will know more on Monday.

Although we have had a great week with a lot of good news, we need not slow down on our prayers. Thank you all for continuing to send us thoughtful text messages and letting us know you are continuously praying for us. It truly brightens up our days! AND our prayers are being heard.

Monitoring Appointment #1

This morning was my first monitoring session. The nurse started my ultrasound but Dr. Park quickly came in the room to check things out. My lining was a 3.7 but perfect shape and triamular. Dr. Meyer actually discussed my case with Dr. Park today and took the time to email us to let us know that it was the best my lining has looked BY FAR! :) Praise be to God.

My ovaries are coming along great! I was so focused on my lining that I didn't think to ask how many follicles there were but both the nurse and doctor said my ovaries were coming along beautifully. I did read that Tev Tropin (the growth hormone) can minimize the amount of follicles a woman produces but thankfully my AMH is so high that it should bring me to the right amount of follicles and minimize my chances of hyper-stimulating.

My next appointment is Friday. The doctors are thinking I may trigger on Monday and have the egg retrieval early next week. Keep your prayers coming! Our God is Healer!

New job!

At the end of last {school} year my principal and I applied for a Technology Facilitator grant that Wake County was proposing. The deal was that all applicants were going to have to wait until July 1st to see if it would pass the budget. July 1st came around and, of course, there were a ton of budget issues. It wasn't until a little over a week ago that my principal got word that the position had gone through and we had been one of the 30 schools selected for the grant. We were ecstatic! Unfortunately, this doesn't mean a pay raise for me but I am excited to be part of this new pilot/grant! My job is now 1/2 technology facilitator/coach and 1/2 technology teacher.

As excited as I am, I am also equally nervous. My nature is to be a perfectionist and I hate to disappoint anyone, especially my boss. I like my expectations laid out for me. The thing about this job is that it's brand new and there are only 30 of us, so I know it's going to be quite a learning experience. My role is to act as a coach to help teachers and our school with technology integration. We want teachers to feel confident in their technology abilities but to have children engaging in technology and 21st century learning. And then I will also have time to fix all of the technical difficulties we have arising daily..... at least I think this is what my new job is supposed to be? Ask me next week, or next month, or even next year and I will probably tell you something different. Whatever the case, I am excited for this new adventure and so very thankful for a wonderful boss who encourages and helps me grow in my professional career!

God is good! :)

Day 1

Where did this week go?! I know where it went... work, 2 cupcake orders, several vinyl orders, wife duties (cooking, cleaning....), two door hangers, and getting everything organized for DAY ONE of IVF, today!

 I ordered my medicines from two different pharmacies, Freedom and Kerr Speciality. Most of them arrived on Wednesday but I waited until Friday morning to check the boxes, only to notice that one of the medicines was not shipped. I quickly got on the phone with Kerr Specialty to see if I could get them over-nighted but the lady said the pharmacy did not ship on Fridays. I was such an emotional mess and start crying on the phone because there was no way I could make it completely to the other side of the county by closing time, even if I left work right after carpool.  I was transferred to the supervising pharmacist who was so sweet and offered to drop it by the Kerr Drug near my house later that evening. Needless to say, this morning I picked up the meds and all was fine! 

John and I spent the rest of the day running all the errands we never have time for: oil change, tailor, JoAnns, getting my retail pharmacy scripts filled, grocery store, and house stuff. We even walked around the mall and my sweetheart of a husband talked me into buying a new dress. There must be something wrong with me? When have I ever needed to be talked into shopping?

Tonight we cooked a delicious dinner together, watched football and enjoyed the fabulous fall-like weather! I made my meds check-list and organized all of the meds. There are only about 2 more meds I won't have until later this week but I feel like I already have my own pharmacy. 

I should have documented the process with pictures tonight while I was mixing vials and prepping needles but it took all my concentration to make sure everything was perfect. The menopur wasn't so bad since I had done a round of it earlier this year; the only real difference was mixing in 3 vials instead of 1. However, the TepTropin was a whole different story. After frustration of not being given the right caps to withdraw the saline to mix with the powder, John's medical background came to the rescue! With his advice I finally was able to get everything mixed and ready to go! Because I had to give myself 2 shots I decided to be brave and try giving one in my stomach (the other I gave in my thigh, like I always have). Now that I have finally been able to put on some weight the stomach shot wasn't nearly as bad as I had imagined! 

Day 1 down .... who-knows-how-many-more to go! :) 

To end this post I wanted to share today's devotional. "Receive my peace. It's My continual gift to you. The best way to receive this gift is to sit quietly in My Presence, trusting Me in every area of your life. Quietness and trust accomplish far more than you can imagine: not only in you, but also on earth and in heaven. When you trust Me in a given area, you release the problem or person into My care."

I love this for so many reasons; one being that yesterday in my prayer group the focus was on faith and trusting in God. The leader, a friend and co-worker, said God really had laid it on her heart to make this the focus. It was exactly what I needed and actually on my way home from a friend's jewelry party last night I felt the desire to give all my stress re: this situation to Him! Then this morning I had such a surprise (maybe I will post on that later this week); I truly felt like it was God showing me how putting my problem in His hands will make everything work out perfectly the way He has it planned. 

Today's devotional was just another reminder that I don't have to worry or stress anymore. My job is to praise Him and trust Him... and that's exactly what I am going to do! 

Baseline

All looked well with my baseline ultrasound! No cysts (cysts are apparently not good at all for IVF and they actually go through with it) and ovaries look "fabulous!"  They also did a mock transfer which went well too! Start meds on Saturday! :)

A Promise

Today John and I had our consultation with Dr. Meyers and met with the nicest nurse for our IVF consultation. Dr. Meyer was amazing and shared so much background knowledge with us in regards to his thinking behind his approach to our situation. John and I were so pleased to be able to fully understand why we are going with scenario A vs scenario B. 

However, we were also very overwhelmed at the amount of medicines I will be taking. Pretty much, you could call me a human pin cushion for the next couple of weeks. (hah!) After the appointment, John jokingly suggested I make an excel sheet to document my daily doses... little did he realize I was seriously contemplating the same thing! 

Here is a brief outline of our IVF process starting this week:

Tuesday 9/10

Baseline ultrasound to check to make sure

I don't have any ovarian cysts or problems, and

doing a mock transfer. The mock transfer just allows 

the doctor to understand my body better so that

the actual transfer goes smoothly. I also stop taking

my birth control this day.

Saturday-Tuesday 9/14-9/17

Daily medicines begin.

Menopur (3 vials) injection

TevTropin (growth hormone) injection

2 mg estrace

Wednesday 9/18

Go in for a monitoring visit to see how many

follicules I am producing. Once my follicles

get to 13-14mm I will also add in Ganirelix shots to 

make sure I don't ovulate. The goal would be to get

10-20 follicules that are between 16-18 mm without 

overstimulating my mass amount of eggs.

2-4 Days Later

I will stop the other injections and begin a Lupron

injection. This is to help make sure I 

don't hyper-stimulate and to increase my LH

and FSH. 

36 Hours Later

I will go in for the egg retrieval. I will be put under local anesthesia 

and then rest for the duration of the day. The embryologists will 

do a sperm wash to get the best swimmers and mix them with 

my eggs. 

1 Day Later

We will find out how many eggs fertilized!! John will 

also start having to give me progesterone shots in my behind. 

Ugh. :( And the needle is super long for this one.

2-4 Days Later

If my lining is fine we will do the transfer either 3 or 5 days 

after the retrieval. Dr. Meyer said if we have 

a good amount of embryos and my lining isn't great he will

still put one in just to see what will happen. In fact,

he said he had a lady have TRIPLETS with a 5mm lining!! 

From here I will continue on Estrace and progesterone shots

and .... wait ... and wait ... and wait ... 

1.5 Weeks later

Pregnancy test. 

So that's our next 3 weeks or so. :) Exciting and nerve-wrecking! I thank God everyday for John! Somehow he finds a way to keep life less stressful and full of hope! Earlier this week we were reading and discussing Hebrews 6:13-20.... God's promise to Abraham. We pondered for awhile on this part of the chapter, 

"We who have fled to take hold of the hope 

set before us may be greatly encouraged. 

We have this hope as an anchor 

for our soul, firm and secure." 

 Abraham's whole story is one to give us hope and peace. What a powerful way for God to share his promise and keep us holding strong! 

Here we go!

The majority of our IVF has been paid for as of last Thursday. Goodbye "life" as we know it -- the Wards will not be able to afford anything fun until we re-coop financially from this absurd amount of medical expenses. 

This Friday we go to the IVF class and meet with Dr. Meyer for our consultation. All we have left to pay for are medicines (which are several thousand), trial transfer, anesthesia during retrieval, and if we have to freeze any eggs. At least, I think that's it.....

Pray for good lining, lots of eggs, and a successful experience!! Thanks for being on TEAM WARD! <3