7 years ago I walked up to the neighborhood pool with the kids I was babysitting, signed in with the cute lifeguard and my life forever changed. That cute lifeguard flirted his way to my heart and -thankfully- never left. :) Four years of college, grad school, four years of teaching, and our first home purchase, here we are happily celebrating 3 years of marriage and a lifetime ahead of us. Every step leading to our ultimate dream: a family. Life has {practically} been perfect... until now.
A little over a year ago we decided we were going to stop birth control to regulate my body and just see what happens. I remember being on the dance floor at my sister-in-law's wedding thinking, "this may be my last glass of wine for 9 months {insert chuckle}."
John and I love traveling so each year we try to visit some place new. After the wedding we were going to leave reality and head to our own little paradise in the Dominican Republic. Knowing that I come from an extremely fertile family I was sure this seeing what happens thing wasn't going to last long. I mean my maternal grandmother is one of 13, my mom one of 5, my dad one of 8, and my sister and I are one of 30+ cousins. John's family isn't really lacking in children either.
So a month later, here I was... LATE. Anxiously, I headed to the store to get a test, hurried to back home, and........ are you ready for it?...... a big fat -negative-! WHAT? I couldn't believe it but I continued to tell myself that I wasn't going to worry or stress. So life continued....
Four months later there was still no period and I knew it was time to contact my gyn. After our first visit together my doctor checked my blood work (it all came back clear) and initiated a progesterone challenge to try to induce bleeding. Ten days of pills and I had 12 days of very light spotting. From this my gyn suggested I had something called hypothalamic amenorrhea; basically, my bmi was too low and I needed to gain weight in order to get my body back on track. So my next job was to gain weight. I used an app called "My Fitness Pal", ate 2300+ calories a day, and slowly started gaining some weight. A couple of months later... still no period.
After several trips to see my gyn and no changes, she suggested it was time to go see a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). These are not the words I wanted to hear. Going to see a fertility specialist meant I had a problem... there was something "wrong" with me. I had refused to tell anyone about any of the "issues" we had been facing because I was embarrassed. I felt ashamed and less of a woman. All of my life I have spent preparing and dreaming of being a mommy. Thankfully, I have the most amazing and supportive husband of all. He has been my rock through this journey. His encouraging words, the way he prays for -and with- me every night, his hope, his spirit, and his faith keep me falling in love with him over and over again each day.
A couple of months later I was finally brave enough to face the fact that I needed to go see the specialist. The first visit wasn't bad at all; in fact, we left feeling more hopeful then ever. Our RE told us that my husband was SUPERB and way above average (why, of course he is!) and my blood work was outstanding. She said she hadn't seen a patient with a good thyroid or Vitamin D level in ages, and my age was another factor we had going for us. My AMH (egg count level) was extremely high, which meant I had a ton of eggs and could also be a sign of PCOS. No big deal, she would just start me on hormone shots, make me ovulate, and get me pregnant. Sounds pretty simple, right?
A couple of weeks of shots and I had a couple of follicles growing. My estrogen levels and blood work looked great, but my lining was still extremely thin. When it was time to take the ovidrel, a shot that would make me ovulate, my lining was only at a 4.2 and it needed to be at least an 8. The doctor told us that there was a SLIM, SLIM, SLIM chance of getting pregnant but we would try anyway since we had already spent so much time and money on this round of shots. I was feeling rather downhearted but still, with a lot of prayers we were sure a miracle could happen.
Two weeks later it was time to take a test. At this point we still hadn't told anyone about what we were going through. We were hoping that this would work and we would be able to plan some big, creative, surprise! Unfortunately, this wouldn't be the time we got to surprise anyone. The test was another negative. I called the doctor to see what our next step would be. They put me on estrogen pills, 3 a day, for 10 days and told me to come in on the 10th day for an ultrasound and HSG. The HSG would be a 5 minute, no anesthesia, easy procedure; basically, they were using it as a rule-out procedure.
10 days later, I took a half day off of work and headed to the doctor. I told John this was no big deal and to not worry about taking off of work this time. So here I go, first appointment: ultrasound. The estrogen test was a big fact FAIL. My lining was only a 4.6. :( What in the world?
Okay, on to appointment 2: HSG. Again, the doctor said this would be a simple, easy, painless procedure. Wrong, again. :( From the time they started to the time they finished, the pain was excruciating. And to make matters worse, when they were done with the procedure they doctor said, "I am sorry it took so long but it wasn't normal." He proceeded to then explain that I had a filling defect in my uterus and no dye went through my tubes. I was devastated, but thankful I had scheduled time after this appointment to talk through the results with the doctor.
Appointment 3: Doctor-to-patient chat. The hardest part about this appointment is that my doctor was stunned and really had no answers, except surgery. She said it seemed as though there might be scar tissue in my uterus but she had no idea how that could be; I had never had any kind of surgery, never had a child, or any other medical reason that would make sense. There was just no explanation and the only way she could really figure out what was going on was to do laproscopic and hysterscopic procedures. There are only three words to describe me at this point: a.hot.mess. I had never had surgery before in my life, why now?
School finally let out for the summer, John and I took a ten day vacation to the beach, and it was time for surgery. I wasn't as nervous as I thought I was going to be because I had the best support team waiting for me: family and friends. The surgery encouraged us to open up and share our story with our families and friends. Sharing our struggles has been one of the best things we have ever done.
Well, what came of the surgery? Positives: I have a ton of eggs, outside of my ovaries, uterus and tubes looked great. On the other hand, my uterus is globular shaped but the doctor doesn't really have any answers for why. It is consistent with something called adenomyosis but, like everything else, I don't have a lot of the symptoms that go along with that diagnosis. There was no scar tissue in my uterus but there was a webbing that the doctor hadn't seen before. She teased that away. And, for the biggest bummer... she couldn't find any opening to my tubes, another instance she had never seen before. So at the end of the day.. really no answers. However, the doctor seemed pretty confident that IVF will work. That's another story for a different day.
So, here we am three days after surgery starting this blog to keep family and friends updated. Our story is a long one to tell and it's easier to update everyone at once. Not to mention, I have found that there are more people who have trouble out there than I ever realized. John and I have found some of the deepest friendships and glimpses of hope through our friends who have shared their story. We hope that our story can make a difference, too!
** Happy 4th! We have our freedom because of the brave! **
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